My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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