you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
