What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
