You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
