Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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