Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
