you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
