Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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