I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
