The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
