wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i came on her dog
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
