You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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