Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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