Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
did i just pee glitter
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
