therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
