If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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