I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
