awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
