I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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