She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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