Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
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if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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