this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
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I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
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You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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