it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
