got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
