One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
