You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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