drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
