you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
