Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize