cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
