if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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