So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
