Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
