this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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