To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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