I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
