I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
