as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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