is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
