I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
