She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
