I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Randomize
