I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
