people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
