Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
