I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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