i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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