So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
