I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You're earring is so big in my mouth
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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