When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
