and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
