Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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