just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize