After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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