I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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