Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
