i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
