I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize
