I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
