You just made me feel so damn special
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
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They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
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If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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