That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
