the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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