there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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