he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
