so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
