If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
