It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
