if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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