I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
What changed your mind?
Being sober
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
